Psalms 42 – 44

Verse 42:1 opens my prayers yesterday:

My soul is dry and thirsts for You, True God,
    as a deer thirsts for water.

I was in one of those funks where I was questioning everything including my faith. My prayers included a sign of a cardinal, which I heard but never saw. I saw blue jays, robins and even a bird I could not identify but was like a scarlet tanager but inversed. When I read these Psalms, they stuck to my soul and realized I was not the only one who was a believer. I didn’t need to see the cardinal, just wanted to.

The voice I got was “you spoiled little brat, I have laid a huge plan before you and you still want to see a little bird”.

Verse 43:2 caught me and gave me a little voice:

You are the True God—my shelter, my protector, the one whom I lean on.
    Why have You turned away from me? Rejected me?
Why must I go around, overwrought, mourning,
    suffering under the weight of my enemies?

Oh woe is me, I have life so rough. When in reality my life is going great. Sure I don’t have a job right now, but am being provided for quite well. The story is long, but it started in 2001 and is still unfolding to this day. It includes layoffs, failed land deals, huge credit card debt, getting a job, paying off debt, more layoffs, selling a home and another land deal. It has been an emotional roller coaster, but didn’t have to be if my faith was more solid and I trusted God.

I think that’s why I am at peace more during this time. Because even if it doesn’t go as “I” plan, it IS going as HE planned!! Worry just wastes energy, I need to trust God more.